were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
