I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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