Already got asked if we're dating
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
