hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
