well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
