Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
