I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
