I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
please come you make the beer taste better
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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