First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
