I must be too annoying 4 u.
You're so nebulous sometimes
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
