you guys were way drunker than both of me
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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