In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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