he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
