I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
