I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
