I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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