if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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