fuck your aforementioned shoe
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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