i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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