I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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