I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
