I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
