is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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