His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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