I wannas sexs uuuuu
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
