Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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