Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
