i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
