i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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