With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
