you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You have to summon your inner elephant
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
