so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
