When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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