I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
