oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
