halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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