I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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