It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She announced her abortion via fbk
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
