I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
how does that bad decision feel?
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