last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
