One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
