I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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