if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
