just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
