get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
