i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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