found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I want a musical about memes.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
