Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
