Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
