batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
