I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
