I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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