we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
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